today..lets tok bout since my last last post. lets c..summary. i practised e dance for apex. taught/show them. let them c e video too. nd nd. sumone was like saying. dun miss me hor! den i was damn stun-ned. den i say. bye bye. lols. he so funi. [[: maybe i jux love his humor. [: nd nd..u sux. frm las yr i dun like u le. find u very act. den now u ask me. u tink ill tell u? maybe. den..today.
maths came a banana!!![[: den its like. she say say say we still dun understand. oh well. wadeva.
nd bai tuo. i dun shave. oh pls. nd nd. e whisperings are back. not tt nice..oh well. nowadays im HIGH. dun care whether i act cute anot. kkay? when i high i tend to act cute. jux. bear with me till im down. sorry horx..]:
so ya..tts all i wana say..for now. i tink im getting down le. cuz when i highest ill be real high. den middle. ill start to act cute. oh well. now im middle. when i down..i dun tok. den tink alot. so..look out..
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last time i take things too seriously. budden now im taking things too lightly. aiyo. i cnt balance. at least. for now. nd for anony/anonyyyyyy etc. u wana make me feel hurt den uv came at e rong time. cuz nowadays im taking things so not seriously. so..cum when u think that im depressed? yeaps. like..when i wana take penknife nd kill myself.
wanted to rite sum more..xiao yuan superstar!!! post later or tml. [[:
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reason y ppl hate me
-irritatin
-act cute
-proud
-big mouth
-attitude
-extra
-always buay song
-lame
-act innocent
-flirt
nd alot alot of stuff.
y izzit tt oni 1 or 2 ppl tt understand me so well..y izzit so? i jux dun get it.
i noe u feel stressed up with dem..cuz in order to be noticed. u nid to be crappy nd stuff...bud. when u listen to dem. dey crap. u laugh. its a gd thing too..its btr den with me so lame ard...
some secrets i can never say
some words that i never spoke
were those that i treasure most
no one understands
as i kept everything to myself
if i just spill everything out
ill be considered big mouth
my troubles all kept
my mouth shut
silence is what i learnt
once silence people think
and troubles came
people spoke
of stuff that never occurred
is silence really that bad?
silence is considered golden
since when silence turn evil?
silence turned its back on me
making me fall hard
onto the hard ground
till now i didn't get up
sudden inspiration. lousy. i noe.
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i shld have jux shuddup..nd leave u out of dis mess. now. ill try nd drag u out of dis mess..into ur dreamland..leave me. u will be better without me. dun care bout me. i really shld have jux kept quiet with my thinkings..i shld have..jux..left myself. den now i wun be with her..without me. e whispers will be gone..den she will be free..
nd pls. if u tink tt im tryin to be pityful here. its wad u tink. im jux..fine with anything now..or i shld sae. im too sick of everything nd everyone tt im fine with anything nd anyone.
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i dun get it. y? when i try to be lame. ppl will tink im real. den when i am real. ppl tink im fakin. wad e hell.
i jux LOVE to have a same cca fwen in e klas. anitin bad frm e klas(wich is so not true) will go to e cca. oh well. now i have more reasons to die. YEAH RITE. ITS NTH.
now everyone hates me. my klas e prob. ill try nd solve it. one way or another. den now. e news spread to cca. nd u arh. very e big mouth leh. oh well. i noe. EVERYTHING IS MY FAULT. I NOE EVERYTHING I DO IS WRONG IN ANYONE'S EYES. I SHLD JUX FORGET BOUT LIVING. EVERYONE JUX HATES ME. EVERYONE TINKS IM ACTING. EVERYONE TINKS TT IM NOT TRUSTWORTHY. bud. dun worry sumone. ill bring ur secret to my grave. ill let at least one person noe im trustworthy. at least one will do..
nd nd. i tink i will go to my grave soon. in 3 ways. irritated to my grave. whispered to my grave. commit suicide. nd. i dun care wad u tink. b4 i leave. ill try nd pull sumone back dere. i muz suceed. i dun care if u tink im acting kind anot. i dun care le.
nd. its not bcuz i tok with e boys i flirt with dem. its jux. nvm. i dun bother to explain myself. my explaination will be turned into LIES. den u ppl will start to twist everything i say. might as well dun xplain.
u said u wan e 3 of us to be bck. den u started dis whole tin. den now sumone else feels wad i feels. nd it was accidentally..ill pull her bck..no matter wad u tink. pls make sure when i go. she nd u r fwens again. i dun care if she hates me anot. nd. i noe u zhong se qing you. bud dun have to bcuz of sumtin like tt den he wo jue jiao. maybe i jux owe u too much?
now i aga aga noe how many ppl LOVE to have me dead. 6+16=22. u dun have to noe hu r dey.
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haiz..finally. we seperated. e courage was added on by her. i wld nv have tt kind of courage..thx. again. muz kindness be repaid by oni hatred, anger and evilness? do unto others wad u wan others to do unto u. izznt tt true? wo yi shan xin dui dai ni. ni yi chou heng hei bao. you he tian li?!!?!?u cuz so much dissapointment in me.
y is everyone jux so fake? boys. gers. all e same. gers is fake. very fake. boys? im not sure yet. its jux a prediction. nd i hope tt it doesnt cum true..never sum true. i hope. nv.
betrayed me were dose tt i trust so much. sssooo much. my trust...is so worthless? i dun tok to dem? no way. i tried today. its..jux as usual. i try to tink positive. its jux as usual. its not me. y dun u jux wake up frm ur dream? ur dreamland of-everyone-else-tt-dun-follow-me-is-wrong.
if i ever ever give buay song face. fwens..true ones. will try nd cheer me up. or hueva tts down. unless u tried nd it proves tt she is rili buay song. maybe..u all jux nid to grow up. grow out of dis mess.
messivilness-
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i bet she dun rili mean it. i bet. ]:
well. being a transparent/sidekick/spare tyre/extra/calafare/rubbish/trash etc is jux so..great. i feel so used to it..but not used to it at e same time. well. i noe no one cares. they read. they understood. they dun care. might as well. nd wad of me is left is my body. makin me a zombie. walking corpse. they dun care..or do they? maybe they care bud jux tt they enjoy so much of their fun tt dey forget me? oh well. ill stop hallucinating.
sum one nids to go for singling klases~ nvm. oni e 3 of us understand.
today..skol boring. sux. stinks. wadeva. sci still like shit. nv do anityn let e cher noe liao. oh well. im a walkin corpse.
aft skol..went to sumwhere with sum ppl. hapi memories. i jux wonder. when will they grow out of all dis..
now like las time like tt..backache. arm ache. eyes ache. bit of head ache. legs ache oso..haiz.
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OMG. SUMONE FRM US CITEL TRIED TO HACK MY COMP!! i tink he managed to switch off e firewall..heng i on it again. [: y do hackers hack aniw??
hmm..im hapi tt sumone understands me. at least. i tink everyone frm table tennis is tt nice. [[: y cant everyone cum table tennis. first understand den seek to be understood. forgive nd forget. do it b4 u wan others to do tt.
bad day. jiao lian finally c how i hold my bat. shity shit. now he wans me to change it. ]: its gona be painful again..]]: haiz..nd i dun like la-ing tt way. i jux hate it. cuz my spinnin sux. totally. oh well. jux prac more bah..
sumone cum bck todae. i forget her name..>.<" izzit jia yi? she still so chio~ oh well nvm. nd i updated my fwenster profile. [:
bad day..jux. tt. bad.
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todae i lost..e whole team oso lost..duno y e whole team off leh..apart frm yan ci bah..haiz. mai skills no confidence. saded..ill jia you tml. damn it lor. tml got life sci. crap. den still got test. argh..crap la..den i still muggin for home econs test. ]:
i oni read till chap 2. nd read oni lor..not read lor. glance thru only..
i must try and type like this. i promised andrea. (or did i??)
k. i go le..bb
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my cuo qiu not bad le. budden my la nd sha still like shit. oh well. ill improve..soon..i hope. and i play with hai qing(correct spl anot?). i almost won her!! wow. she like. dun wana la nor smack. kip cuo-ing with me. in the end i lost. [: nvm. iv done my best. [:
connie got 3rd. jia yuan 2nd. hai qing 1st. hai suo(spl correct??) oso get first for guys..rite? haiz..both so pro..
i hope ill regain my confidence tml. [[:
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i totally dissapointed in maiself..sori eberione..i noe on e surface no one blames mie..budden gt sum ppl ish blamin mie..budden c mie lyk tt dun dare? or scared ltr blame? duno. budden no matter wad..ya..its mai fault..i shldnt hab lost..or play tt badly..evn if i lost. i shld hab at least put up a gd fight..haiz..
i jux cnt blief i lost 3:1..i cnt blief ..haiz..haiz.. haiz..haiz.. haiz..haiz..
haiz..haiz.. aiz..haiz.. haiz..haiiz.. haiz..haiz..
im jux sho freakinly dissapointed..hope ill be high by todae..tml gt competition..haiz..ahzi...haiz..dere i go again.
yeah..i rili feel lyk screamin..susuna..thx. for bein mai temperary shoulder..i will find a temperary permanent shoulder..sumdae..
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hope tml we will win. ^^ hope tu thrash.
i noe its fake. i noe. bud. i jux..cnt..make maiself stp feelin tt wae. haiz..
mai wisdom tooth growin..itchy itchy..bud it means tt i grown cleverer!!
nd i tink im gona fail mai chinese test tudae..
i BADLY nid love. true love. or. i nid tu be love..or izzit a want? haiz..
sho mani tests cumin up..ill be goin crazy soon..dey sae aft dis wk still worse! ill die man. nd tudae i sure fail de...
todae..nth much tu sae..go le..maybe ltr i cum bck.
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im such a lousy idiot. its e las match. nd y e hell m i off?! i was on form ebn when i play wib plmgss. wad e heck ish rong wib mie. of all tyms i todae off. i tink in future i dun train..as in. 12.30 leave klasrm den i dun go prac bah..i tink ill jux try it. nd on fri we r against sh. hope we will thrash dem 5-0. jux hope sho..nd e guys out le..i tink. nd nd..it was 2-2. den i hab tu lose. de rest fought sho hard jux for mie tu lose. wtf. i jux hate maiself.
nd. i dun trust tt feelin. i dun trust nurtured love. yeah. i dun trust it. i trust love at first sight..hus mai nxt love? where is mai de other half? ill love tu hab one now..rite now..i nid him..
tyns r gettin btr..bud. mai feelins r goin crazier..haiz..
im still sick..of eberityn..
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i noe..im nt trustworthy. im tryin tu be pop. im sick of dis words. im sick of maiself. im sick of mie.
receive sumone sweet frm sumone nt sweet=disgustin. oh well. i jux tink tt e rose ish dropped frm e heaven. intu mai hands..
im sick of u. im sick of doin anityn bcuz of u.
tml competition against ahs. hopin tu win. try mai best. win will gt rubber. [[: or izzit? i forget..>.<"
hu noe where gt sell mobile small mirrors? sumone wans..maybe ill buy one oso..maybe.
valentines..gt lots of gift. gave lots of gift. no valentine. im alone..
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IM SHO SORI..im sori im sori im sori im sori im sori im sori im sori im sori...i noe tt person dun read mai blog..budden. yeah..im sori..
ND MAI BRO DISCOVERED TT I GT LOST IN MAI OWN WORLD!!!ARGH!!!LOL. IM HIGH.
haiz..todae lost tu plmgss(paya lebar methodist girls' secondary school). i lost mai match. i duno y bud. i din jing li(or did i?) nd i dun feel guilty..den its lyk..when i go bck..everyone was sayin..nvm..den gib mie a pat on e bck..do i look lyk i gona cry? maybe. i duno..>.<" nd i dun tink nid tu announce la..hor??
hmm..i din take e penknife..i heard it. i din use it..
i had diarrhea dis mornin..4.30 wake up tu do mai business in e toilet..den aft tt..b4 i bathe i go..den aft i oso go...haiz..den heng when i go skol nth liaoz...[[:
tml ish valentines..im hapi i gt mai valentino. [[: bud i dun hab valentine...]]:
i go eat dina liaoz..[[:
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well..aft lyk. duno hw long. i tink bout 1 yr. i finally gt a kor tt ish asked by mie!![[: well. i hope he as nice as mai de other kor. las nite chat wib him till 4 am!! [[: den dis mornin i woke up at 11.30..>.<" we chatted bout alot of stuff..hmm..i learnt bout alot of stuff..sad tyn i din save e conver..]]:
hmm..ytd..went tu e sumwhere de fair. nth much. in e end mie nd jie jux stayed at e bus stop for e tym tu pass..eh? did i blog bout dis? wait..i go check.........okies. i neva blog bout dis. okies..continue..den at first gt sum person fetch us at e gate. i wun sae y here. wana noe cn ask mie. HE SUX. okies. den we went in. gt nth btr tu do. we saw sum stuff beri fun de. [[: budden wonder where dey get e machine de. tts damn fun nia..budden lyk. beri cruel. u wana noe ask mie or yi jie. aniw. we saw sum sickenin idiots tt followed us. cuz of yi jie. gt sum one ebn shouted. eh! yi jie! u wana stead wib d*sm**d?? i duno whether cn sae e name anot. sho i ***. [[:
nd nd. i forgot wad i wana sae..>.<"
OH YA. our apex still duno wad leh..cuz mai bro suggested slow songs. i tink cn oso..
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i think i think too much..ive been thinking alot..den plus those songs..it created a headache for me. hmm..that headache made me think better..i must solve the root of all this. ill have a serious talk with them..
he is an idiot. he look at looks. to think that he became nicer. he sucks.
thanks a ton for all your efforts. [: this is for two people.
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im sick of eberityn. i jux wana slice mai wrist..maybe oni aft competition bah..no..i dun tink dey nid mie lor..todae..if wibout mie..dey cn gt 3-1. if im nt ard lor..sho. dey r able tu cope. im nt nided. mai fwens..dey hab each other. DEY DUN NID MIE. TODAE. WAD I SAW. WAD I HEARD. WAS ENUF. ITS U HU WANA CHOOSE A DAE LYK TT. IM NT FREE. ITS U SAE OKIE DE. DEN I JUX GO DERE C C. DEN WAD I SAW WAS SHIT. I DUN CARE IF U LYK MIE ANT. IM SICK OF U. IM SICK OF MAISELF. IM SICK OF U TINKIN IM PLOTIN SUMTYN. IM SICK OF U TINKIN U R ALWAES RITE. IM SICK OF EBERITYN ND ANITYN. IM SICK OF BEIN LEFT OUT. IM SICK OF BEIN TREATED AS INVISIBLE. IM SICK OF U.
sumone..jux lend mie penknife.....den ill slice mai wrist in skol. im here or nt here its of no diff. on mondae. ill slice mai wrist. andrea. lend mie ur penknife. if u dun. ill jux gt one sumwhere. ill make sure ALL OF U REGRET WAD U DO TU MIE. ill make sure. ebn if i dun die. i WILL slice mai wrist. u may tink tt im kiddin. budden. NO. im nt kiddin. aft tml goin sumwhere. nd sundae i go trg. den ill slice mai wrist in klas.
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ill be hapi for lyk..1 dae at least. den aft tt..maybe ill go mental again..i duno wad will happen tu mie. iv cut maiself le. nt pain. budden gt scar..okie. sumone accidentally made mai 1 dae short. oh well. e mental mie ish bck. i rili duno wad will happen..]: budden ill hab a summary of mai dae..
mornin. went locker..took alot of xtra stuff. ]: den saded lor. oh well. SO LAME. SO COOL! WADEVA. (: hmm. den andrea cum damn early..hmm..ml ish damn obsessed wib her. budden..i muz sae sumtyn. though im still mental..im sori tu e followin ppl- drea. ml. lp. u noe y i noe y. tml i tink im gona sae sry face tu face..if i cn find e courage..i tink ill bah. i found e courage tu cut mai arm. wads nxt? commit suicide bah..
hmm..aft e movie i felt btr. cuz i cried. den aft tt gt ppl start whisperin again. i walked awae...]:
jux hope u will stp whisperin in front of mie? aniw. thx lots kor kor!! love ya!
